Agony and Joy

I'm struggling deeply right now, and blogging is so hard. This is my diary and I am not free to write in it. Because even the truth is turned against me. Not that I have blogged any details of what is going on in our church struggles, but I just can't. That hurts me. I need to blog it. It is how I work things out.

Suffice it to say, my world has turned upside down. My "friends" have become my "enemy" and my trust turned into betrayal.

I am filled with joy that I have true friends who back me, love me, support me and fight for me! I truly found out that my close friends were really in it for thick and thin! Do you girls know how much I love you and how much you mean to me? I call you "friend" and God made us sisters!

Our son married a wonderful woman, our daughter became engaged to a fine Christian man, and we've found a passion for God's Word that was not strong enough in the past. There are joys in our life, too.

Agony. Joy. Agony. Joy. That is my life right now. Sleepless nights, joy-filled days. A conundrum of sorts!

I also praise God that some restoration has started taking place. The joy sifted to a bit of a higher status for a day there, lol. Then night came along.......... the night is when the darkness creeps in, through your house and into your thoughts. Chasing sleep with a maniacal laugh.

But then the sun comes up and you see new life! Light chases away the darkness! Does the tired body then get to rest? No. Maybe tonight the darkness won't come creeping with evil intents.

Question for you

When you are in conflict with Christians you are not supposed to tithe until you work it out, right?
What do you do when you have tried and tried and you CAN'T work it out? I am not the offender, so it isn't a matter of me humbling myself and just apologizing and making it right. I can't get the offenders to see the truth, and I am done with trying. But what do we do about tithing when the offense still stands?
For that matter, our former pastor preaches that you shouldn't have communion while someone has a problem with you, either. I can't find that Biblically, and the offenders don't have a problem with taking communion during this either.

Anyway, at what point do you start tithing again?

Do ya wanna dance?

Donnie and I were invited to a wedding by a very special couple. The wedding was elegant and enjoyable. We picked up a few things we'll be wanting to use in the next wedding we plan. (I may need to make an announcement here....)

The reception was gorgeous and very fun to watch! The entrance of the bridal party was unique and super fun! They backed the limo INTO the building and unloaded them, some from the trunk, dancing to music. The father's speech and blessing was fun and funny, and touching. (something we will copy!)

We ended up pretty much trapped there due to tornadoes in the area. Not fun when your kids are at home. But it soon passed and the dance started.

I wanted to dance! Donnie wanted to go home. We had no kids, hardly anyone we knew were there, and most of them we will probably not see again. We could cut loose and have a blast!

But no.

Donnie starts bribing me, cause I'm mad! He will play music at home and we can dance. We can stop at the liqueur store on the way home and get the ingredients for a Mudslide, or better yet, a bottle of Brut! (I LOVE champagne, but not allowed to drink it, haha) So we left, even though I really wanted to stay and dance.

We got the Mudslide ingredients and I made some. I kept asking Donnie about playing music so we can dance. But he kept playing his video game. Finally I gave up. I went to bed. He comes in the bedroom, knowing I am mad, turns on the radio in there and says we should dance. Um, NO, I am not dancing in our room where you have to walk sideways between furniture to get around our giant bed! I went to sleep.

Found out this morning that to him, "dancing" meant having sex! Um, SO NOT ON THE SAME PAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Would you have gotten sex out of "I'll put on some music and we can dance at home?" There weren't even raised eyebrows to be suggestive here. lol

I think I may have another Mudslide tonight.

Wow, life is moving in a new direction

Our family has made a very big, very difficult, very unwanted move. We are leaving our church of 7 years. The church we have for the first time felt completely at home in and loved serving, and loved raising our kids in. We were HAPPY! Comfortable. Though, to be honest, not completely content.
But now we have to leave, unfortunately amidst great pain and betrayal. I can't do anything more to reconcile than I have. We are leaving and going to give ourselves fully to another church and forgive and move on. I hope one day there will be apologies, but it isn't my job to worry about it.
So, now we are moving forward to some exciting service opportunities! We are joining a church who's goal is to bring in the lost every service. Cody is going to see sinners, deep in the pit, come to Jesus and be radically saved! He will SEE God is real. Our prayers are that this is what he needs in order to believe.
We have some exciting and challenging goals ahead of us, and now we just move forward and go where God leads.
Our hearts are broken over leaving our friends. (not my close friends, I will remain close and involved with them!) Looking forward to making many new friends and working on the Great Commission and serving women at a new church.

Ah, teenagers!

I don't know why teens have to be so rebellious. Is it because God didn't intend for them to still be at home at this age? In Biblical times a 15 year old would be working and possibly married with kids.

I don't know what it is, but I am weary. I need some refreshing. Maybe if other things in my life weren't so rocky, this wouldn't be as trying, but I am just worn out.

However, God gave us these kids, and I know He will give us the strength to get through it. And a sense of humor to at least get a laugh out of some of it!

Poor Cody. The kid had his birthday the day after Drew's wedding. So he had to wait until we recovered financially to get his present. Well, in those days of waiting he managed to get himself grounded from all electronics because of his behavior toward his siblings. He is now grounded until he stops spewing venom at everyone. But we are able to get him his present. His beloved Xbox 360. Wow. Tough, huh? He has it and can't open it or use it! Tough break!

Cody is going through a pretty rough patch of rebellion and has declared that the doesn't believe in God. Not that we are not concerned, because we are, but we are not reacting to it other than to pray more fervently for him. We recognize that we can't accept Christ for him, all we can do is lovingly teach him, and pray.

Unfortunately, house rules are that if you live here, you GO to church. He seemed to think his announcement would change the rules of the house. Um, no. So today he decides to hide when we are leaving for church. Yep, he did.

His Xbox 360 made the trip with us. It went back to the store. Don't follow the rules, you don't have privileges.

The funny thing? The 1pm service we were late to because of trying to find him was cancelled today because of 4th of July events! He just got himself in a whole lotta trouble over nothing!

Thats gotta sting.

What will I do when Sam grows up?

I don't know if I will have anything to blog about! LOL

We have been having so much fun lately calling Sam a Qtpie. I told him he is a qtpie and he said "I not a PIE! I a human!" (he pronounces is hoo men)

Today I found him in the bathroom and he told me he peed and pood in the toilet and I held him and told him how proud I am of the big boy he is becoming! Then I told him the next step to being a big boy is to sleep in his own bed. He said "Why?" lol I told him that is what big boys do, but he can tell me when he is ready to try sleeping in his own bed. So he thought about it and said "Not at night."

Right now, he is watching some fart video with his dad, and just cracking up at it. He is such a boy!