Little Miss Muffet

You know that old poem Little Miss Muffet?
Yeah, I know what it means now, all that tuffet and curds and whey talk......

Little Miss Muffet (Lisa)
Sat on her tuffet (lay in her bed)
Eating her curds and whey (dreaming away)
When along came a spider (right on her thigh)
And scared Miss Muffet away (that one is obvious)

Old and new

Sometimes the timing of things just amazes me.

Yesterday morning I had a D&C to remove the last of the placenta that was just too stubborn to come out. I wasn't scared so much of the surgery as I was of dying. I'm not sure why, but I was pretty close to hysterical before the surgery with so many things in my life unfinished.

But the surgery went off perfectly and I really haven't even had any pain other that right afterwards. I slept most of the morning and afternoon and felt pretty good.

Around 5pm my friend Crystal called and said her water broke, and since I am her doula that meant a trip up to the hospital! Amazingly her labor went FAST and the baby was born at 6:42pm! I had plenty of energy for less than 2 hours of "work." Her little girl was born so fast and is just beautiful with a head full of dark hair!

I think I shall go apply for official doula classes now.

I just thought that God was so good to take the end of my trauma and bless me with witnessing a new life on the same day.

Now if only the rest of the stress in my life could be worked out with just a beautiful moment.

Frustrations

For the last few days Sam has really been acting out, full blown temper tantrums. It is so very unlike him. Normally a threat of a spanking will make him straighten up, but lately he has been mouthing off defiantly and flat out screaming like a demon child. I partly thought he must be getting sick, but it could be all the stress around here. It has been a very crazy 6 months for us.

Last night Sam was screaming and kicking and yelling at us until we put him to bed, and it only got worse from there. At one point I spanked him and he kept it up and I asked him if he needed me to spank his bare butt to which he answered "I'll poop on you!" It was so funny, but so disrespectful. (I knew I was safe, he spent about 30 minutes pooping earlier, lol)

I spent quite some time fighting something God wanted me to do. I did it, but grudgingly often times, and kept asking God if I could quit. Then I finally sought God out and he confirmed and confirmed and confirmed that I was to keep doing it, so I got on board with His plan with a happy heart. I found a way to get trained better and started a plan of action.

It wasn't long before the attacks started. You know that when you are gung ho to serve God you are going to get attacked. I was forced to step down by Godly men, who listened to lies about me and never checked to be sure they were true. Even with proof of the lies, they wouldn't back down. It has been very stressful. To trust men to be ethical and wise yet they don't even follow the Bible in not taking action without 2 or 3 witnesses, and if that witness proves to be purposely hurting that person surely you wouldn't continue without investigating, right? Not so. Anyway, we left. Several wonderful people have been fighting it, but pride runs deep.

After that, my husband who has paranoid personality disorder and obsessive thought disorder had a crisis in his mental health, but since his counsellor and 2 accountability partners proved through that incident that he has a reason to be paranoid, he went through it alone, trusting no one. Now it is affecting our marriage, and we are separated. We are in the same house, hoping to work things out, but physically we are separated and in different rooms. We don't fight, it isn't a matter of anything like that, he is still my life-long friend, but I know it is still stressful for the kids.

Just a week and a half after that happened, we lost our unborn baby. That birth has been traumatic physically on me, and I am still struggling with expelling the placenta and now have to have a surgery.

I just can't imagine how hard this is on Sam. I'm frustrated, how much more must he be, not knowing or understanding anything that is going on?

Aksel Maximus

On October 4, 2010 our son Aksel Maximus was born straight into the arms of our Lord. He was perfectly formed and beautiful even at only 14 weeks, and we were very clearly able to see that he was, indeed, a son.

Aksel means Father of Peace and Maximus means The Greatest. It was a strong name we had picked out for him a couple weeks previous to his birth. We are so thankful for the good his death has brought into our lives. While we wish we had him, we have still been very blessed by him while we had him. He has brought some peace to us, as weird as that sounds. Many, many friends have come and comforted us, helped us dedicate our son to God before we left him, and offered words of comfort and many, many prayers.

It has been very rough for me, physically, and I am not recuperating as well as I should be. It appears that the placenta was attached to my c-section scar, and because of that it wasn't coming out in one piece. I bled a LOT and passed out about 15 minutes after he was born. After a few hours and a threat of a D&C I called and asked for prayers. The bleeding immediately slowed down. God is good! 4 days later I am still not able to get my hemoglobin levels back up and am having some minor issues, but I will get back to healthy soon.

We really found it healing to be able to see our baby, to know he was a boy and be able to name him. It was much easier emotionally than a miscarriage that leaves things unanswered. His perfect little body put us and all who saw him in awe of our awesome creator God!

Life as We Know It

Last week I was able to go to a pre-screening of the new movie Life as We Know It with Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel. I brought a girlfriend along to laugh and cry with.

We knew going in that in spite of being billed as a romantic comedy that there would be some sad parts because the premise of the movie is a couple dies and leaves their infant daughter with their two best friends, who are not only not married to each other, they pretty much despise each other.

The beginning was quite funny as the couple is set up on a blind date and to say it didn't go well would be an understatement. That sets the scene for their mutual dislike for each other.

As the couple who set them up grow together and get married and have a child, the two get thrown together over and over in many comic situations.

Until the baby's first birthday. Then they are thrown together by tragedy and mutual love for their godchild. They move in together to keep the baby's life stable as possible, and even grow to respect each other a bit.

I have to say that Anna and I cried at least as much as we laughed. There were many sad moments, moments that really reflect the kind of problems that would really be faced in such a tragedy.

There was a lot of comedy and even some surprising romantic moments and great twists in the plot as the story progressed.

Life As We Know It is definitely a movie that I will buy when it comes out, and I will probably even go see it in theaters a second time! It is very good and really plays on all your emotions, a mark of a truly good writer.

I attended a complimentary screening of this film to facilitate my review, and I received a gift card from Mom Central as a thank you for my time.