More and more and MORE giveaways!

Head over to Eighty MPH Mom, where you can WIN Pyrex-Corelle-Chicago Cutlery – World Kitchen Grand Prize giveaway (1 winner takes all!)!

Head over to Eighty MPH Mom, where you can WIN Pyrex-Corelle-Chicago Cutlery – World Kitchen Grand Prize giveaway (1 winner takes all!)! ends 12/10

Head over to Eighty MPH Mom, where you can win a Conair You Style!

Win a Zoobie at The Baby Store Plus Blog! Ends 12/17/10

3 Kids and Us and KitchenAid want to make your holiday wish come true and offer you the chance to win a brand new KitchenAid Artisan Stand Mixer in your choice of over 20 colors, valued at $349.99!

Enter the KitchenAid Stand Mixer Giveaway and check out the Homemade Holiday Feast recipes that show all the ways the KitchenAid Stand Mixer and attachments can be used to create unique family dishes and save you counter space with one appliance that can be converted to meet your every need.

More Pillow Pet giveaways!

I am on a quest to win at least one, but hopefully two, My Pillow Pets for the kids for Christmas!

Thanks, Mail Carrier is giving away a Snuggly Puppy from My Pillow Pets, ends December 3.

A Mom's Balancing Act is giving away a magical Unicorn for My Pillow Pets, ends December 3.

I am super excited to win one or 10! So you know I don't WANT you to enter, just sayin'! Check out their other giveaways, too!

Win a laptop!

I entered Crissy’s Can’t Wait til Christmas Lenovo Laptop Giveaway and hope to win a $799.00 IdeaPad!

My Twinn giveaway!

Mom to Bed by 8 is giving away a My Twinn Doll on her most excellent blog, and I am trying to win it for Trinity! Go check out her blog and her many great holiday giveaways!

Pillow pet giveaway @ Mom to bed by 8!

I entered to win a unicorn pillow pet at Mom to Bed by 8's site! I am on a quest to win one, or two for Christmas this year, and I am hoping all my work pays off! Mom to Bed by 8 has a ton of great giveaways for you to enter, so really, you don't want my pillow pet, I'm sure, right? lol

Great giveaway on Me and Bella!

I entered to win the iPod Shuffle 1000 giveaway on Me and Bella! You need to be a follower of her blog to enter. Hope-Anne wants me to get her one for Christmas, and I am hoping I win!

Bloggy blockage

I am so frustrated with life right now and can't blog about things, so I have been NOT blogging. It stinks. I need to write out what I experience and feel and blow out my frustrations in writing. It's how I deal. But I can't do that right now, so I am not able to "deal" very well. When I can't write what I feel, I apparently won't write anything.

There are 3 major situations that have been hurting me throughout the last 7 months.

1. Some major hurt from our former church. It hurts worse than a LOT of things I've been through.

2. My husband and I separated.

3. We've lost 3 babies in a year and a half.

I'm doing alright with the loss of Aksel. I look at his high chair and think of how he would have fit in the tiny little cup holder spot and will never be big enough to sit in there and I cry. But I am alright with how things turned out. I grieve him, but am glad that he will not experience the emotional and physical pains of this world.

My marriage is getting worked on, and I know that we will be OK. We have to remain separated for awhile so Donnie can work through his recovery, but we are both confident that things will be better in the future.

The church stuff. Ouch. A group that felt I was wronged ended up confronting the leadership in front of the assembly, and we were invited so that this time we wouldn't be talked about without being able to dispute things. It was good, because the elders were saying that we left the church because I was asked to step down, but that isn't even remotely the reason. I didn't want to leave at all. We left because the elders would not answer to the congregation WHY they did what they did, and since it is a congregation led church, they are obligated to answer why they do things. They refused to answer very vague (nothing confidential) questions. They also refused to look into the fact that I felt they were acting on lies told about me. We later proved it, and instead of accepting that proof, they decided to tear down that very influential man's reputation. So, yes, I am hurting, hurting hurting. I care about these men!

I pray and pray for and about them. This is a battle not of the flesh, and I have to focus on that. I don't believe they are acting on their own accord, and I have to not allow my flesh to blame them. It's a tough, tough path to walk on.

My friends stand beside me and I thank my God for them every day. God led me to the book of Job and I read how his "friends" counseled him. They blamed him, he HAD to be at fault. But he wasn't. That is where I am. I have searched and pleaded with God for what I have done so that I could change and NOT go through this EVER again. (that doesn't mean I didn't do anything wrong in reaction, no one is blameless) But God does not cast blame at me. It isn't about me. My friends don't blame me either. I have better friends than Job! They just love me and cry with me and help me battle the darkness. They see the true battle is in the spiritual world.

We finally have hope after the confrontation. The congregation suggested a panel from the church investigate and pursue reconciliation through repentance. At some point that changed to having a Peacekeeper group come in and help decide on the panel. Some people think it was to decide to have a panel or not, and some people understood it to mean they would help decide how to choose a panel. At any rate, that is expected, but then hope gets dashed again. The person in charge of getting the peacekeepers out decided not to even mention a panel at all, and we have no idea WHY. I am just beyond frustrated. But I will not allow the spiritual warfare to make me quit!

I am now just trying my hardest to focus on the GOOD. Our new church is amazing, and the most focused church I have ever seen at trying to get the lost in to hear God. The dedication and devotion to God's work from the congregation blows me away. We were asked to give the biggest gift we'd ever given to a church with about 2 weeks notice. The congregation gave $182,000+!!!! That meant they had enough above the goal they needed to open a new church site in OUR TOWN!!!!

I am now focusing on helping with the church plant. We are all volunteering and very excited to be a part of it.

Little Miss Muffet

You know that old poem Little Miss Muffet?
Yeah, I know what it means now, all that tuffet and curds and whey talk......

Little Miss Muffet (Lisa)
Sat on her tuffet (lay in her bed)
Eating her curds and whey (dreaming away)
When along came a spider (right on her thigh)
And scared Miss Muffet away (that one is obvious)

Old and new

Sometimes the timing of things just amazes me.

Yesterday morning I had a D&C to remove the last of the placenta that was just too stubborn to come out. I wasn't scared so much of the surgery as I was of dying. I'm not sure why, but I was pretty close to hysterical before the surgery with so many things in my life unfinished.

But the surgery went off perfectly and I really haven't even had any pain other that right afterwards. I slept most of the morning and afternoon and felt pretty good.

Around 5pm my friend Crystal called and said her water broke, and since I am her doula that meant a trip up to the hospital! Amazingly her labor went FAST and the baby was born at 6:42pm! I had plenty of energy for less than 2 hours of "work." Her little girl was born so fast and is just beautiful with a head full of dark hair!

I think I shall go apply for official doula classes now.

I just thought that God was so good to take the end of my trauma and bless me with witnessing a new life on the same day.

Now if only the rest of the stress in my life could be worked out with just a beautiful moment.

Frustrations

For the last few days Sam has really been acting out, full blown temper tantrums. It is so very unlike him. Normally a threat of a spanking will make him straighten up, but lately he has been mouthing off defiantly and flat out screaming like a demon child. I partly thought he must be getting sick, but it could be all the stress around here. It has been a very crazy 6 months for us.

Last night Sam was screaming and kicking and yelling at us until we put him to bed, and it only got worse from there. At one point I spanked him and he kept it up and I asked him if he needed me to spank his bare butt to which he answered "I'll poop on you!" It was so funny, but so disrespectful. (I knew I was safe, he spent about 30 minutes pooping earlier, lol)

I spent quite some time fighting something God wanted me to do. I did it, but grudgingly often times, and kept asking God if I could quit. Then I finally sought God out and he confirmed and confirmed and confirmed that I was to keep doing it, so I got on board with His plan with a happy heart. I found a way to get trained better and started a plan of action.

It wasn't long before the attacks started. You know that when you are gung ho to serve God you are going to get attacked. I was forced to step down by Godly men, who listened to lies about me and never checked to be sure they were true. Even with proof of the lies, they wouldn't back down. It has been very stressful. To trust men to be ethical and wise yet they don't even follow the Bible in not taking action without 2 or 3 witnesses, and if that witness proves to be purposely hurting that person surely you wouldn't continue without investigating, right? Not so. Anyway, we left. Several wonderful people have been fighting it, but pride runs deep.

After that, my husband who has paranoid personality disorder and obsessive thought disorder had a crisis in his mental health, but since his counsellor and 2 accountability partners proved through that incident that he has a reason to be paranoid, he went through it alone, trusting no one. Now it is affecting our marriage, and we are separated. We are in the same house, hoping to work things out, but physically we are separated and in different rooms. We don't fight, it isn't a matter of anything like that, he is still my life-long friend, but I know it is still stressful for the kids.

Just a week and a half after that happened, we lost our unborn baby. That birth has been traumatic physically on me, and I am still struggling with expelling the placenta and now have to have a surgery.

I just can't imagine how hard this is on Sam. I'm frustrated, how much more must he be, not knowing or understanding anything that is going on?

Aksel Maximus

On October 4, 2010 our son Aksel Maximus was born straight into the arms of our Lord. He was perfectly formed and beautiful even at only 14 weeks, and we were very clearly able to see that he was, indeed, a son.

Aksel means Father of Peace and Maximus means The Greatest. It was a strong name we had picked out for him a couple weeks previous to his birth. We are so thankful for the good his death has brought into our lives. While we wish we had him, we have still been very blessed by him while we had him. He has brought some peace to us, as weird as that sounds. Many, many friends have come and comforted us, helped us dedicate our son to God before we left him, and offered words of comfort and many, many prayers.

It has been very rough for me, physically, and I am not recuperating as well as I should be. It appears that the placenta was attached to my c-section scar, and because of that it wasn't coming out in one piece. I bled a LOT and passed out about 15 minutes after he was born. After a few hours and a threat of a D&C I called and asked for prayers. The bleeding immediately slowed down. God is good! 4 days later I am still not able to get my hemoglobin levels back up and am having some minor issues, but I will get back to healthy soon.

We really found it healing to be able to see our baby, to know he was a boy and be able to name him. It was much easier emotionally than a miscarriage that leaves things unanswered. His perfect little body put us and all who saw him in awe of our awesome creator God!

Life as We Know It

Last week I was able to go to a pre-screening of the new movie Life as We Know It with Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel. I brought a girlfriend along to laugh and cry with.

We knew going in that in spite of being billed as a romantic comedy that there would be some sad parts because the premise of the movie is a couple dies and leaves their infant daughter with their two best friends, who are not only not married to each other, they pretty much despise each other.

The beginning was quite funny as the couple is set up on a blind date and to say it didn't go well would be an understatement. That sets the scene for their mutual dislike for each other.

As the couple who set them up grow together and get married and have a child, the two get thrown together over and over in many comic situations.

Until the baby's first birthday. Then they are thrown together by tragedy and mutual love for their godchild. They move in together to keep the baby's life stable as possible, and even grow to respect each other a bit.

I have to say that Anna and I cried at least as much as we laughed. There were many sad moments, moments that really reflect the kind of problems that would really be faced in such a tragedy.

There was a lot of comedy and even some surprising romantic moments and great twists in the plot as the story progressed.

Life As We Know It is definitely a movie that I will buy when it comes out, and I will probably even go see it in theaters a second time! It is very good and really plays on all your emotions, a mark of a truly good writer.

I attended a complimentary screening of this film to facilitate my review, and I received a gift card from Mom Central as a thank you for my time.

Band-aids

Earlier today Hope-Anne asked Trinity to bring her a band-aid for her finger.

Don't you long for the days when you could ask mom for a band-aid and a kiss and your pain would disappear? Remember those days?

Sometimes there isn't a band-aid big enough, though. Not to catch the blood or to stop the hurt. Not even God will keep you from going through that pain. It is supposed to grow you, build perseverance and character.

I'd rather a band-aid and a kiss on my boo-boo.

I told them!

When I found out I was pregnant, after a week of denial over why I was late, I knew I needed to get in for an ultrasound to be sure I didn't have another tubal pregnancy. The surgeon and my regular doctor both told me that I needed to be seen as soon as I found out again because there is a slightly higher risk of a second tubal.
So I went to make an appointment but they wouldn't let me do anything unless I had a pregnancy test FIRST. Um, yeah, because the 5 I took couldn't be trusted to be right? I don't know if I really am pregnant after 12 pregnancies? Give me a break. But fine. So I do that and find out I AM pregnant! Shocker. Then they said I had to go to the OB educator class before I could do anything else. Um NO. I'm not taking that. Last time they dilly dallied about that I nearly died from a tubal rupture.
I got a note in to my doctor and he, just based on my call, set up a referral for an ultrasound. He is a good doctor. So I go to set it up and they won't let me because I don't have insurance. Hello? I am paying cash right now in full. It was a BATTLE to get one set up. Those gals made me meet with financing to even set it up with me paying cash! The financing gals were trying to get me to sign up for insurances and told me that I wouldn't be able to get insured through an employer, no insurance takes on pre-existing pregnancies. I told them I would be able to, I've never had an issue with big companies.

We've waited patiently while Donnie switched jobs, and lo and behold! The temp agencies medical insurance would not have a problem with pre-existing pregnancy! So we just have to wait for the one month period before we can sign up. In that time Donnie has been offered a full time job at the company he is contracted at! Strangely enough, both companies use the same insurance company! So, I should be covered soon.

My only real issues are:
1. I want a midwife at home so I don't have to have a forced c-section, but we haven't found out if they cover one, and even if they do, they only cover 80% AFTER the $800 deductible. Fine, if we weren't taking a HUGE paycut. But with a wedding coming up? Probably won't happen.
2. I don't know if my regular doctor is in-network yet. But at least if I do go through a hospital, the whole thing is covered 100% after a $20 copay once.

God is good! I trusted all along that God would provide insurance for this birth. I'm not totally giving up on having my homebirth, but I am willing to let it go if I have to. Donnie has never liked the idea, anyway.

Happy 21st Birthday, Drew!

It just blows my mind that is was 21 YEARS ago that you were born, so tiny and perfect. Now you are a grown man with a wife and a career. An air traffic controller! In the US Air Force! Makes my heart swell! (even if I always dreamed of you being in the Army, I am still proud!)

Ultrasound pics!

I went to a great 3D/4D ultrasound place for pics yesterday! It is just a place for fun, no measurements or diagnostics, just 40 minutes of watching your baby jump around and playing! Beautiful experience, and one that I plan to repeat with this baby!

This is a cute pic of the baby stretching tall, arms raised up, legs pushed down.
I didn't see it at the time, but looking at the pics, this looks like a baby being held in it's mothers arms! So precious! And in this one, though it is very, very early, you can see what appears to be boy bits down there between his legs. lol I'm still holding out hope for a girl, but this little one was more than happy to flash us the whole time, and it never looked like it could be girl parts at all. So, I'm gonna work a little harder on that boys name now.

This was such a great experience! Well worth the $100 I spent. I went away with a DVD of everything, a CD of tons of pics, and 6 photo quality pictures, PLUS 3 gift bags of stuff! If you live in MN you should get your ultrasound at Bella Angel in Maple Grove!

Quick update

This past weekend was our monthly ladies night out. We meet every second Friday. Even though we have switched churches, our group just couldn't stand not meeting, so we find a way! This weekend one of the ladies was able to secure us her mom's cabin for the whole night! It is right on a lake, and there were tons of beds, so we were able to sleep over with no worries. It was also Miss Daisy's birthday, which is probably why her mom offered the cabin. My friend Jeannie made her a cake with colorful daisies, and I hear it tasted a-maz-ing! (I'm not a cake eater)

Today is my first ultrasound. I am getting a 3D or 4D one done this evening. I'm sad Donnie won't be there, but I don't want to wait anymore. Things are just so weird that I want to get a peek in there and see for myself that all is well and on track. Hopefully I will be able to upload the video and share it here. (I'm not sharing results until after Donnie sees it!)

On the morning sickness front: things are getting worse instead of better. I'm making it through, and keeping hydrated, but the throwing up is more frequent. This needs to stop, I have parents night Firday and have to walk out onto the football field in front of TONS of students and parents and NOT puke on the field. I can't let Devon down, either, this is his senior year and he is always so understanding about me not making all his games.

Old, overweight, and pregnant...... is there a funny side?

Just so you know, there is definitely TMI in this post. Men won't want to read this. And I probably don't want you to. I mostly write to moms, and that is who this post is for. As well as for myself, so I remember this stuff and can look back and laugh some day. Some day.

Part of the charm of ladies night out, or just a good time with your close girlfriends, is that you can sit back and complain about the getting old process and commiserate together. It helps you to laugh at the changes you are going through, you know, so you don't have to cry all the time, lol.

I've heard older women talk about how they lose bladder control when they laugh or sneeze. Pregnant women, too. It isn't funny to us, but you know, there really isn't much we can do about it. And even what we can do is limited by the time and money we have left over after giving everything of ourselves to and for our kids. So we laugh. Right?

I am going to journal the next 7 months of this old, overweight pregnancy with honesty and transparency and way too much information.

I am 39 years old. That makes me of "advanced maternal age" in this pregnancy. Supposedly putting me at risk for all sorts of issues. That doesn't worry me, but being old does make things harder. The whole weak bladder thing. Not cool. So when I have to deal with the nasty side effect of pregnancy and puke, I also get to pee my pants. Fun times. Miserable and humiliated.

Plus I am super tired. I've never been so tired! I've been through this whole pregnancy thing a few times, and this tired is a new thing. Why am I so tired? I'm just too old for this!

I am also overweight. I wasn't even this heavy at 9 months pregnant with my first few pregnancies. I'm only 5'4" and 40+lbs overweight. And I think half of that weight is in my chest. OK, maybe not half, but my chest is huge. DD is ridiculous on my height. Could be worse, true. However, it isn't funny when I lay on my side or my back and the fat from by chestular area splays up toward my neck. And funny thing is that if something touches my throat area, I puke. So I am being gagged and choked by my own boobs. Yippee. Well, maybe it is a little funny.

Then there is the whole fun of being pregnant. Puking, nauseated, bloated, gaseous, not to mention having to go through exams in private areas, poking, prodding, needles, and CHILD BIRTH. I need to eat, but I hate food. I need protein, but I hate meat. I need to drink, but I hate everything. Nothing sounds good, nothing tastes good, nothing is that good coming back up.

Old, fat, pregnant and miserable. But a little happy and a lot blessed!

We've reached the breaking point

This bout with morning sickness is going so well compared to the other kids that I hate to utter a word of complaint. Really, normally I have lost 15lbs by now, and I am only down 5. Usually I puke many, many, many, MANY times a day, and in fact, by this point, I would have made a bed in the bathroom so I am closer to the toilet.
But this time I have only thrown up about 4 days now, and never more than one episode a day. So, yes, I think it is going great!
However, what is making it go so great is my lack of movement and staying hydrated. I need to lay down most of the day or I do throw up. So I am not able to get anything done around here. I can't cook anything, I can't even stand to walk into the kitchen. I can't clean anything. And do you think the kids clean? Not without me. It is getting to be a bit of a stress issue around here.
The kid KNOW they have to do a chore every day, but they are not doing it unless they are told, and even then it isn't happening much. I am in bed and not seeing what they are or are not doing. Donnie is getting stressed about it, too.
I know the kids hate it, and it has to be hard on them having mom down all day every day. They have to pick up my slack with feeding and watching the little two, keeping clean towels going, etc.

I'm really praying that this morning sickness only lasts the first trimester because none of us can take much more of it. With Sam it went on for 22 weeks. We'd deal with it, but my house wouldn't survive.

Hopefully just under 2 weeks to go.

My man, Sam!

Sam cracks me up all the time! I think I shall name all my kids with names that mean "laughter" from now on, cause I just love how much laughter he brings into our lives!

Last night I was laying in bed and he crawled in with me dripping from a bath. I was struggling big time with not throwing up at that time, so I was grabbing at my throat and freaking out "Where's my water bottle?"
Sam says "What's wong wif you throat?"
"Mommy is sick."
"You throat hurt?"
"No, I'm going to throw up."
"Oh, no! That so sad!"
And as I lay back down he snuggles right up into me for comfort! It was A-dor-a-ble!
So I said "Sam, you are such a sweetheart!"
"I naked."

I just cracked up! So he kept repeating it since I obviously thought it was funny, haha.