Sunday Festivus #6

Sunday Festivus is something started by Pam at Terrific Teens to gripe about yourself or something other than other people.

I am so sad that I cannot potty train Trinity. What am I doing wrong? She is over 3 years old!

A couple of days ago I thought we hit a breakthrough. She came and sat on my lap and I said "I love you!" And she said "I love you, too, Mommy!"

Me: "I'm glad you are my baby!"

Trin: "I not a baby, I a big girl!"

Me: "Then why did you pee on my computer chair, and on my bed?"

Trin: "I sorry, mommy! I not do that again! I pee in the potty chair."

Me: "Oh, good."

And she has been! All day yesterday she used the toilette. All day. Then I put her to bed and she took her diaper off and peed all over her bed in her sleep, even on her pillow. Most of today she used the toilette. She had one accident today. Great! So I put her off to bed tonight after a pretty good day. Then I went to put Sam to bed. I snuck over to tuck her back in the blankets. What did I find?? She'd taken her diaper off. After she po*ped. And played in it.

I'm really nauseated tonight. I read someone's blog off of my favorite place, diaper swappers, and she had a link to a really gross video. The top ten zits, cysts, etc. on you tube. It was really gross and fascinating! I ended up watching it three times, and I don't normally have a weak stomach, but even my teen boys were feeling like puking. But we couldn't turn away, lol. So, its self-inflicted. Still not fun, though.

I'm really not happy with myself about something else, too. I quit working 1 1/2 years ago. I was working for a construction company, and aside from the fact that my bosses were nuts, (my direct supervisor was great, the owners were nuts) they were doing some "creative bookkeeping" and wanted me to do things that I just could not do, like put things done for this insurance adjuster's house on someone else's tab, getting the insurance to pay for it.

After that, I did a little bit of subbing for our church secretary. I absolutely loved it! I basically told God that if I ever have to work I would like to work there, but I didn't want to replace the secretary, just get her job if she gets a better one and moves on. Its been a long time now, and she recently put in her resignation.

Wow, most of our vehicles do not work, we eventually need a new roof, (very soon), and we could use a little more money to get out of debt. Then this dream job opens up! Well, of course I have to apply! But I have a 4 month old, so I really don't want to work right now. I am completely torn.

Well, I thought I was pretty good friends with our secretary. We have always gotten along really well, I even watched her teenage son for a weekend. (she does not go to our church, so we only know each other because of her working there) So, thinking she was moving on to another job, I told her how funny it was that I had prayed about wanting her job if I ever had to work. She shut right down. I have apologized to her, but I think she is still really hurt. Now I know that she didn't leave with something lined up. She did tell me that she doesn't know why God had her leave, but that she does believe it will be better for her and better for our church. So I don't understand why she is so upset with me. I didn't WANT her to quit, and I do NOT want to work right now.

And I feel bad that she is telling people that noone that applied is qualified, when I am actually qualified. She specifically told a friend of mine that noone was qualified to do the quickbooks or payroll. I did quickbooks AND payroll on quickbooks (which she doesn't do yet) for 6 months at my job! One of the software that the sec needs to know was bought by my husband and is run by him, and I have run it. There is one thing I do not know, but everyone says that is not important because its easy and not a big deal.

I really thought she would enjoy training me as much as I would enjoy learning from her. Could I have really blown it that bad by telling her that?

Now I have to decide if I really even want to work. Can I work? The babysitting seems to be working out pretty well up until September. And I can keep nursing Sam because my son can drive him up during the day to nurse. The kids can even hang out at church occasionally. Its not every day work, either, so Sam and Trin would only have sitters 3 days a week.

I just need to keep praying. I don't want to work if I don't have to, but if it is where God wants me, then I would LOVE to work at our church.