I seem to have very, um, different views on my children dating. It is very hard to find parents who feel the same way, and even more difficult for my children to have friends who practice our ways. They sort of feel freakish sometimes, I think.
I believe they would feel better about it if they were fully on-board with our views, but they are not. Or they are until hormones kick in, then they get very secular all of a sudden. LOL
We do not feel that they should date in high school at all. There is absolutely no call for it. Dating is to find a spouse, and they are not ready for a spouse. I know that many people think it is just fun, but it isn't. It isn't "fun" and it isn't "harmless" in our opinions. And I don't believe that God thinks it is harmless, either.
I won't pretend to think that I know when God is going to bring the "right person" into one of my children's lives, because I met my right person when I was 14. We were definitely too young to get involved, though. However, I think that the kids should remain friends only with people until they are ready to commit to marriage. Then, they should ask God to show them when they are ready and who to look to get to know better and who to stay away from.
They should NOT be kissing and testing the waters before they are ready for a commitment, or at all before they are committed.
If they submit their love lives completely to God, and only follow where He leads, they will have a good life. Not one without hardships, but one where they KNOW they have a partner with the same views and goals, and they can get through anything.
They should never seek a relationship with someone who is not equally yoked spiritually. Period. The Bible says it and I know it to be true.
My prayers and dreams for my children are for them to seek to serve God above all else, and to submit to His time and His will for a spouse. To keep their hearts pure and protected from harmful relationships so they can walk into a marriage with every piece of their heart intact and ready to truly love someone as God would have them do so. That their spouse would also put God above everything else and love my child with the love of God.
A secondary prayer is that they save their first kiss for their wedding day. What an amazing moment that would be! I wish I could change my life and have that.
My children do not like my rules. At all. They don't think it is fair or reasonable to not be allowed to ride alone in a car with someone of the opposite sex, or to have unlimited and unsupervised texting and IM'ing with the opposite sex. I don't allow dating or kissing, they think I am crazy. Well, Kaytlin doesn't completely, but she will date, ride in cars, etc when she has found the guy that God gives her the thumbs up about. The kissing remains to be decided.
Now, every thing that I have forbidden for the reasons I have forbidden it has been broken by Drew, and some by Devon, and I have been right on all of it. They have been hurt, they have hurt others, they have found the intimacy of unsupervised texting leads to trouble, etc. Yet they keep on arguing that it is OK. They know it isn't, but the heart is deceitful.
I am very proud of where Kaytlin is in this area. She has come to the decisions on her own to not date until God tells her that this is the guy she will marry. She very much so likes a guy who is of the same mindset in so many things, yet they are choosing to remain friends for a long time. They want to do nothing that friends would not do. Eventually they will be ready for a commitment, and either they will know it is right, or they will know they are not right for each other and will not go to the next step. No heart breaking.
Drew and Devon fight us on this. Just about every bit of it. Drew has chosen now that he is out of the house to go ahead and ride alone with girls, date, kiss, etc. Devon would make that choice now, too, if we let him.
Drew has a girl in mind. I don't know what is going on there, but she wanted to date, then wants to wait (with a reason I don't know). I don't know. I like her. She fits in with our family and I think we've got a lot of the same humor. (mean, lol) However, I just don't think she is the "one." I don't think she is equally yoked with Drew. I haven't talked to her about her spiritual walk, but I just don't feel it. I would love to see her commit herself to God and then maybe she and Drew would be a fit. It would never be dull with Shelby around, I know we'd have a lot of fun. She is also way too young for a commitment right now, at only 16. Drew isn't really ready for a commitment, either, he just always has desired one. Thankfully he didn't pick a crazy person this time, and she is quite a qt, too. Time will tell what happens here. I'm not closed minded or against Shelby, I just don't think she is the one for Drew, or at least not NOW. (correct me wherever, Shelby, just leave a comment)
Devon has also gone the unequally yoked path. She has broken his heart big-time. I haven't met her, though.
Lesson? Boys, listen to your mama. She knows.
December 28, 2008
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9 people think my kids are qtpies:
Apparently, we're the other family in the country that has very similar views on dating. What I don't get is why parents think it is a good idea for their kids to date. I just don't understand. Marriage is sacred. We should treat it as such. Keep strong, Lisa!
I thing that testing the water and getting your heart broken is not good for yourself nor your future spouse!
Nobody want to have a spouse full of baggage! But the Lord is gracious and forgiving and so should we! but it's better to come into the marriage with less experience then more!
It's better to learn together as man and wife!
Thanks for sharing this post!
Oh my, just the thought of my little sweet 2 year old dating has me wincing. I'm far from being there, but I know when we get there our rules will be much the same as yours. When I was growing up I was not allowed to go on a date with a boy until I was 16 (and this held true to the very day, even though I had a "boyfriend" for a year before that. You're right, the whole dating arena is very very scary, very not where I want my children to experiment and "have fun" in. The thought of Libby getting her heart broken by some hormone-driven boy, or breaking some boy;s heart just makes me cry. I know there are things that I won't be able to protect her from, but if I can successfully teach her (and my other children) to respect relationships, especially with the opposite sex, then I will have to trust God to do the rest.
We have very similar views. I also feel the purpose of dating is to find a spouse and you should not go down that road until you're ready for that step/commitment in you life. There's enough to worry about before then, school, job, home, security. You can't put the cart before the horse. Hubby and I know, we had Biggest when I was only 17, we've walked that path.
Hubby isn't 100% on board with the no dating in high school thing, but he understands my point of view and is coming around. Thankfully, he never experienced heartache, he didn't date before me and knew I was the one early on...I'm hoping my boys take afer him in that respect, that they're blessed with that lightning bolt of assuredness when it's right.
We share your dating views, but haven't discussed dating a ton with the kids, because they aren't even interested that much yet, PTL. Don't want to awaken desires before they come. We've talked and made enough comments here and there to remind them where we stand.
I like to tell the boys something along the lines of, "Do you want someone else kissing your wife-to-be?"
My dh and I didn't date around in that way, and we are happily married. We don't have the heartache and memories to recover from either.
Kaytlin will always be glad she guarded her heart whether she marries that guy or not.
It is tuff to watch your kids choose a hard path to follow. We'll pray they turn back to a path that is really alot more fun!!
I have very similar views. I really hope that the lesson's given to Drew now that he is out on his own stick with him and he keeps his heart whole and intact.
Jason and I have very similar ideas on dating. Our 15-year-old is not interested yet...she readily says that she knows she has a LOT of time to date, and sees how dating cuts into her friends' study time. We actaully just had a convo about it on Sunday...with her recognizing the wisdom of "group dates" for now.
I am more concerned about my almost-13-year-old son...he already, last year, expressed a desire to "date"...which to me is ridiculous....
Stay strong, mom...it's for their best!
I agree with your dating policies, and I hope to enforce the same values on my children. I didn't follow those safety precautions, and I have to deal with the consequences and affects. My prayer is that my children will gaurd their heart/mind/soul, and their marriage bed.
If your children are wanting to "test the waters", they'll find a way to do it despite all of your rules. And closing them up in a windowless cell is going to compel them to rebel. Instead of trusting in your kids and trusting that you have raised them to have morals of their own,you are making them feel like you don't have any faith in them to make the right decisions. I can see where you wouldn't want them alone in a house together, that would just be setting them up for temptation. Going out to dinner and to a movie is something i would allow my children to do, I don't see much danger in that. Dating also helps you find "the one" How would you ever know if they were "the one" without ever dating them? So not dating someone unless you know they are "the one" totally contradicts itself. It is like saying I am not going to date until I am married.
Your views contradict themselves multiple times in this post.
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