I have been so incredibly busy this week. I don't think I had one day with nothing. Well, maybe Thursday, but I think I did do something, just can't remember. Oh, my friend came over.
The last couple of days have been filled to the top over-flowing with busy-ness. I walk in the door and then back out the door. In the door, back out the door.
It is all good stuff, but I am used to several days a week I don't even bother getting dressed.
I spoke at a multi-church women's event today. It didn't seem like it was going to be a big deal, but I was a bit disappointed. I was asked to just represent our church and let the other churches know what is going on in our women's ministry. Not a problem. I don't mind speaking in front of people and I am passionate about what we are doing and planning to do. But I had NO idea that the other speakers were preparing speeches. Some of them even were PREACHING, lol. Most of them didn't even say what was going on in their ministry, just gave talks. Good talks, but I have no idea what they're doing in their church.
I am very excited about an event that we are planning for the end of March. I really want to make a path for women to open up and to be able to help others and to allow others to help them so they can be healed from their hurts and sorrows. It is going to be tricky because, amazingly, sharing deep struggles in a church can actually cause you great hurt. I am amazed at the mean and judgemental things that people have gone through after going to their church body for help and support in their sins. Sometimes it isn't even about your own sins, but hurt someone has caused you, and someone lambastes you, ostracizes you, condemns you, chases you out of the church, or your ministry. I am really praying that we can change that so that people in our church are safe to share their struggles without fear of condemnation.
I also feel really weird about something. I have a hurt in my life that I have always known that God was going to turn into a ministry. I believe that God has a perfect timing for all things, and I am willing to wait. But I am actually being hushed about it. I am not sure what to think of it. I know that the silence is actually for my protection, or maybe my family, but I am not sure that it is what God wants. I have been struggling with this for a long time now. Basically, the opportunity to share has not produced itself so strongly that I was sure about it, so I have not fought to bring it up.
But I have been feeling very different lately. Then tonight I meet a guy who has not only helped me clarify things, but also greatly confused things for me. He's been through some tough times, and was in Teen Challenge. He was so adamant about the Truth being the way to freedom and that even if the whole world condemns, but one person is saved, it is worth it. I know this. I feel this. I believe this with my whole heart. So, I wonder why I have been silent. Is it really waiting for God's timing, or am I so comfortable with my situation that I don't want to disturb things?
I know that my friends my friends. There isn't a doubt in my mind that my friends would back me and fight tooth and nail for me. They are deep friends. I know that my elders and pastor are supportive of us. So, why would I be allowing myself to be kept quiet? Why wouldn't I be screaming God's goodness, mercy, love and healing from the rooftops? Why go through the pits of hell if not to be able to help someone else through it? Right?
Pray for me, please. I feel that I am going to be sharing my story in the near future and I have no idea what kind of effect it is going to have on the church, our family, and our lives. Maybe I am worried over nothing!
(for clarity sake, I am talking about the past that we are set free from, and it happened before we were in a ministry position.)
January 17, 2009
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3 people think my kids are qtpies:
Wow big post, lots of things to digest.
Just pray and bring it to god's feet, as with everything it's His timing not our's. I stuggle with that one massively. I work every day with it.
As for feeling hushed, maybe that is also a "timing" issue, waiting for you to be truley ready or for that person that needs to be reached to be ready. Or the big one maybe it is a different direction he wants you to go in..
I will pray over this for you and leave it in his hands.
Way to go with the event in March, I will pray over that one big time.
You know I will back you up, and fight tooth and nail to keep the wiles of the enemy from you. I'd even go first and share how God healed me if you want. He does always use those things for His good. Don't fear if He is telling you to do this. Love,
Padma
Long time since I read your "regular" blog. Sorry. However, what timing.
I can tell you that all you are struggling to figure out is not uncommon. And yes, unfortunately, many people in church can shred you and hold your past against you. It can also be how you share it and implement it on how it is received.
When my husband and I were separated, I could not believe how prejudiced "Christians" can be towards a wife/mother who stands up against things that are wrong, even in the eyes of God and His Word. Too many like to take certain Scriptures and twist them to keep women quiet.
In God's time He worked all these things together for good. Some pastors fully supported my decisions, others condemned me and told me I could no longer serve the Lord. I knew what was right according to ALL the Scriptures and in time God has blessed us and brought our family fully back together. However, there was much heartache for a season by the unfair judgment by those who beat me up with my decisions and tried to keep me out of ministry when I was NOT in sin.
I pray the Lord will give you His wisdom and also the BACKBONE to endure if you choose to serve Him in this way in which you feel led.
My heart reaches out to you in this. Blessings to you and yours!
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