The joys of funeral planning

It is time to see the humor in things now, right? This post is in humor, not complaint.

When Joyce passed away Friday night no one had really thought through to the fact that she would die and we would need to have a funeral or that we would have to plan it immediately. (can you believe that people expected us to have it planned within an hour of her death? People wanted to know when I called about her passing!) Within an hour the family had to find and contact a funeral home. That meant deciding where we would do things logistically. The three kids live in three areas not close to each other. With the added twist that Joyce and Phillip have only recently moved from the town that they raised their family in. Most family and friends are out in that area, really far from all of us.

It was decided rather easily that we would have it in their home town because most people who will attend are elderly and wouldn't be able to travel for over 2 hours to a funeral. I was making phone calls about Joyce's passing while they were working with the funeral home. They set the date and time out to Saturday the 16th, however, they just planned it at the funeral home, not a church. The funeral home doesn't have an area for a reception or mingling.

There was some arguing about having a reception. I insisted that we have one, and Dean (Donnie's brother) refused. I finally convinced him because if someone flies from D.C. to Minnesota and then drives 3 hours to the funeral, they should be able to have something more than a half hour funeral and good-bye. So it is agreed that we would have one.

Then came the place. I felt the logical, and very expected, place would be their home church, where they are still members. For several reasons the family didn't want it there. Their reasons were valid, though I knew it would raise questions for people. 21 years ago Joyce and Phillip lost a son to suicide at a very young age. In their time of grief a few church members were quite rude and mean, and one even told Phillip "You better not let this happen to any of your other children." He has been hurting from that comment for 21 years! And this guy is still there and still involved in funerals, so Phillip doesn't want to deal with those memories or that guy while grieving his wife. The other valid reason is that the church is a country church, way out there and most people are elderly and may not be able to get there, especially in the winter.

So, I was tasked with getting the funeral at a soon-to-be sister church in town. I had to wait until Monday to reach people, and when I finally did I had to talk to several people. I started with calling the pastor at the home church, thinking he would be a help in getting the other facility to open up to us. He was a piece of work, not at all warm and friendly, however, he did say our pastor could preach there if we do use them because he has his grandkids birthday party that day. The other pastor for the sister church was very kind, and had actually prayed for us this past weekend with the home church.

Getting the church proved easy and hard. They were more than willing to let us use the facilities, however, that date they have their picture directory pictures all day. So, the funeral couldn't be there, but they would let us use the basement for the reception. Great! So, we'll do the funeral at the funeral home and the reception at the town church. Their pastor said that when they were setting the date for the pictures they said "There will be a funeral that weekend." Sure enough!

Hmm, so how big IS the funeral home? We decided if the funeral home was smaller we would do a private funeral and then an open reception. Then we found out just how small the funeral home is. 30 people. That is it. Now imagine my family. With our kids, their boy/girlfriends, we total 11. That is a third of the people with just my family.

Soooo, that just wouldn't do. By this time it is 5pm on Monday and I had worked all day reaching people to get that far. And then they decided to go with my original suggestion and hold it at the church they were raised in.

Do you know what that meant? I had to undo all the funeral arrangements and start over. After a full day of organizing. It turned out to be really easy, though. I made one call to someone at the church and she is taking care of everything from there. I just need to let the other church know we won't be using them.

Now I can concentrate on other things, like what everyone is going to wear to the funeral. My job is done.

Update**
So, funny! I got a call from Donnie's aunt today. Apparently the elderly apartments they live in put up flyers yesterday saying that we were having a private funeral. I had not even decided and set plans up until last night after 5pm!!!!! I hadn't even announced it to anyone at that point! Seriously, where are people hearing this stuff from? And the weird thing is that they knew what I was working on exactly, so where did they get the information? LOL Small town gossips!