Frustrations

For the last few days Sam has really been acting out, full blown temper tantrums. It is so very unlike him. Normally a threat of a spanking will make him straighten up, but lately he has been mouthing off defiantly and flat out screaming like a demon child. I partly thought he must be getting sick, but it could be all the stress around here. It has been a very crazy 6 months for us.

Last night Sam was screaming and kicking and yelling at us until we put him to bed, and it only got worse from there. At one point I spanked him and he kept it up and I asked him if he needed me to spank his bare butt to which he answered "I'll poop on you!" It was so funny, but so disrespectful. (I knew I was safe, he spent about 30 minutes pooping earlier, lol)

I spent quite some time fighting something God wanted me to do. I did it, but grudgingly often times, and kept asking God if I could quit. Then I finally sought God out and he confirmed and confirmed and confirmed that I was to keep doing it, so I got on board with His plan with a happy heart. I found a way to get trained better and started a plan of action.

It wasn't long before the attacks started. You know that when you are gung ho to serve God you are going to get attacked. I was forced to step down by Godly men, who listened to lies about me and never checked to be sure they were true. Even with proof of the lies, they wouldn't back down. It has been very stressful. To trust men to be ethical and wise yet they don't even follow the Bible in not taking action without 2 or 3 witnesses, and if that witness proves to be purposely hurting that person surely you wouldn't continue without investigating, right? Not so. Anyway, we left. Several wonderful people have been fighting it, but pride runs deep.

After that, my husband who has paranoid personality disorder and obsessive thought disorder had a crisis in his mental health, but since his counsellor and 2 accountability partners proved through that incident that he has a reason to be paranoid, he went through it alone, trusting no one. Now it is affecting our marriage, and we are separated. We are in the same house, hoping to work things out, but physically we are separated and in different rooms. We don't fight, it isn't a matter of anything like that, he is still my life-long friend, but I know it is still stressful for the kids.

Just a week and a half after that happened, we lost our unborn baby. That birth has been traumatic physically on me, and I am still struggling with expelling the placenta and now have to have a surgery.

I just can't imagine how hard this is on Sam. I'm frustrated, how much more must he be, not knowing or understanding anything that is going on?