I used to love this blog so much. I still am glad I have it, but now I struggle with posting.
My life was much easier back when I started it. Well, maybe easy isn't the word for it, since I had already been through a lot of yucky times in my marriage. But I felt like I was in a good place.
Then I went through some bad times with a church and that rocked my world. Thinking you can trust people who you not only respect, but also love, and then finding out that a little bit of gossip is all it takes to have them turn on you without the benefit of doubt. So I couldn't blog during that time, it was too painful and I couldn't pretend about things being great otherwise.
Then I lost some of my friends, partly I think because after all the fighting they did for me, we couldn't go back to what it used to be, and dashed expectations can really cause a rift. I still don't totally understand what happened, even. Breaks my heart.
And then we moved. And while I am trying to blog more, because life really is pretty good on most levels, it is still hard to write when there is still sadness and unfinished issues that I have no control over.
I don't want to be a whiner and I don't want to pretend things are all perfect, when they are not. Though I do tend to like to look at the bright side.
Texas is beautiful in many ways, and now that we are through with most of the hard stuff, like getting kids in school, I am starting to enjoy it. Making some sort of steady rhythm would be nice, too. Finding a church, finding some friends, or finding a place to GO and DO......... those things would help a lot. I am a social creature, and I am falling quickly into depression. I don't dare call my MN friends because I just sit and cry on the phone. I love and miss them so much!
I am going to keep posting through this, though, because I would love to look back one day and remember how hard it was and how grateful I am to have friends again.
November 24, 2012
November 18, 2012
Searching.............
I have moved so many times in my life, I don't even know how many. It doesn't scare me, really. I know that you can find a life anywhere you end up. And I know it takes some time to get into a groove and find your place.
But this time, this move, it stinks. I'm probably just over reacting, since it has only been about 6 weeks, but I am frustrated.
The move doesn't stink, and Texas doesn't stink. Finding a church and friends stinks.
We are in the Bible Belt, with churches almost as frequent as mexican food places. Which is a HUGE yum, by the way. Baptist churches alone are in plentiful supply in just a 10 mile radius. It would take us a year to try out all the churches close to us.
So why is it so hard to find one that all 6 of us like well enough to keep going? One I liked the worship, totally felt God's presence, but the preaching was kind of dull and the people are very cliquish, 3 stops there and I know not one person's name. Next one, loved the classes and people so, so much, and the little kids LOVED the classes, but the worship and preaching were not so great, and the teens violently oppose going there. Next one was ok for most of us, not exciting, but we liked the people, and the kids were all content except the little 2 did not like going to big church. In retrospect I didn't feel like the people were that mature in nature, though they were not spiritually immature, and that is saying something from me, I am not terribly mature, lol. The fact that they played TEN songs in worship drove us all nuts. Then we try another one that we all were OK with, but it wasn't memorable. That wouldn't be so bad, but we were told that they believe God changes His mind, and I am not sure I want to go down that road.
We could go back to the one that seems so impenetrable, but they are just healing from a major upheaval, and we are barely healed from our major upheaval with a church. We will probably give them another chance, though, since we didn't try a Sunday morning group yet.
It has been only 6 weeks, so I know I am being a bit premature, but for me, I need a church. I don't know anyone and I am so lonely. Everyone except me gets out of the house and meets people and has a chance to form relationships. I get out and see store clerks. I don't have a chance to meet people except on Sundays. I meet people I think I could be friends with and then no one else in the family want to go back. I am just ready to throw in the towel. I won't, but I am so frustrated. I just want to meet people and have a life outside of this house.
So, I am thinking of volunteering opportunities that would still be flexible enough for me to be home if the kids were sick. And that do not involve watching other people's brats. :) I don't mind other people's kids, I just have no tolerance for the bad behavior of some of them.
Send me some volunteer ideas that are NOT in the schools.
But this time, this move, it stinks. I'm probably just over reacting, since it has only been about 6 weeks, but I am frustrated.
The move doesn't stink, and Texas doesn't stink. Finding a church and friends stinks.
We are in the Bible Belt, with churches almost as frequent as mexican food places. Which is a HUGE yum, by the way. Baptist churches alone are in plentiful supply in just a 10 mile radius. It would take us a year to try out all the churches close to us.
So why is it so hard to find one that all 6 of us like well enough to keep going? One I liked the worship, totally felt God's presence, but the preaching was kind of dull and the people are very cliquish, 3 stops there and I know not one person's name. Next one, loved the classes and people so, so much, and the little kids LOVED the classes, but the worship and preaching were not so great, and the teens violently oppose going there. Next one was ok for most of us, not exciting, but we liked the people, and the kids were all content except the little 2 did not like going to big church. In retrospect I didn't feel like the people were that mature in nature, though they were not spiritually immature, and that is saying something from me, I am not terribly mature, lol. The fact that they played TEN songs in worship drove us all nuts. Then we try another one that we all were OK with, but it wasn't memorable. That wouldn't be so bad, but we were told that they believe God changes His mind, and I am not sure I want to go down that road.
We could go back to the one that seems so impenetrable, but they are just healing from a major upheaval, and we are barely healed from our major upheaval with a church. We will probably give them another chance, though, since we didn't try a Sunday morning group yet.
It has been only 6 weeks, so I know I am being a bit premature, but for me, I need a church. I don't know anyone and I am so lonely. Everyone except me gets out of the house and meets people and has a chance to form relationships. I get out and see store clerks. I don't have a chance to meet people except on Sundays. I meet people I think I could be friends with and then no one else in the family want to go back. I am just ready to throw in the towel. I won't, but I am so frustrated. I just want to meet people and have a life outside of this house.
So, I am thinking of volunteering opportunities that would still be flexible enough for me to be home if the kids were sick. And that do not involve watching other people's brats. :) I don't mind other people's kids, I just have no tolerance for the bad behavior of some of them.
Send me some volunteer ideas that are NOT in the schools.
November 08, 2012
Texas, not so bad!
There are lots of things about moving here that have been frustrating, like getting kids IN school. Getting speech help for Sam. Getting cars registered. Getting a driver's license. Driving anywhere with road construction that won't be done until 2015, when it will be time to start all over again.
But there are lots of wonderful things, too. The weather is beautiful! Yes, it will be hot in the summer, and I will not care for that, but I care LESS for 4 feet of snow. If I can't drive through it without shoveling, then it is way too much for my taste. Lots of fun new experiences here, like seeing a longhorn cattle drive and rodeos, catching lizards.
The hardest thing for me, though, is being away from my family and friends. Especially when something is going on and you know you friend needs you and all you can do is pray. But even being away is not something so horrible that I can't stand it. Probably because I grew up moving back and forth between MN and AZ, missing one parent or the other, and siblings, moving away from friends. I know that life goes on, and it isn't the end.
I did see TX as a temporary move, and it could still be one, but I am not sure I want to move back to Minnesota. Maybe Arizona, where I have some family. Minnesota maybe when we can be snow birds and spend the winter in the south!
But there are lots of wonderful things, too. The weather is beautiful! Yes, it will be hot in the summer, and I will not care for that, but I care LESS for 4 feet of snow. If I can't drive through it without shoveling, then it is way too much for my taste. Lots of fun new experiences here, like seeing a longhorn cattle drive and rodeos, catching lizards.
The hardest thing for me, though, is being away from my family and friends. Especially when something is going on and you know you friend needs you and all you can do is pray. But even being away is not something so horrible that I can't stand it. Probably because I grew up moving back and forth between MN and AZ, missing one parent or the other, and siblings, moving away from friends. I know that life goes on, and it isn't the end.
I did see TX as a temporary move, and it could still be one, but I am not sure I want to move back to Minnesota. Maybe Arizona, where I have some family. Minnesota maybe when we can be snow birds and spend the winter in the south!
November 01, 2012
Some days..........
I don't get how people think some days. I don't like getting political on my blog, well, I don't like getting political at all, but I just do NOT get a certain way of thinking. I don't care what "side of the fence" you vote on, but I do not get this one huge thing:
How is the government helping you build your business? If you get money and start your own business, work hard, pay your taxes, pay your employees, etc, how did the government "build your business" for you? Seriously?
"Well, you didn't build the ROADS!"
Really? Who built them? Oh, the government did? And how did they DO that? Oh, that's right, with MY tax money. I PAID them to find someone to build the roads. I paid for the materials, too. If I didn't pay them, they would have NO way to build the roads. So since I paid for it, why am I indebted to the government for doing what I paid them to do with my money?
If I paid you $100 to clean my house with my cleaning supplies that I paid for with my money, would I be indebted to you? No, you would be indebted to ME for giving you a job. I stop paying, you stop working. The government is HIRED by us, those of us who pay taxes, to do a job, and do it with our money.
HOW do people not get this? Seriously, the only way you cannot get this is if you do not pay taxes, or the government gives you MY money, and you choose to be blind to who is actually paying for your stuff.
Ok, rant over.
How is the government helping you build your business? If you get money and start your own business, work hard, pay your taxes, pay your employees, etc, how did the government "build your business" for you? Seriously?
"Well, you didn't build the ROADS!"
Really? Who built them? Oh, the government did? And how did they DO that? Oh, that's right, with MY tax money. I PAID them to find someone to build the roads. I paid for the materials, too. If I didn't pay them, they would have NO way to build the roads. So since I paid for it, why am I indebted to the government for doing what I paid them to do with my money?
If I paid you $100 to clean my house with my cleaning supplies that I paid for with my money, would I be indebted to you? No, you would be indebted to ME for giving you a job. I stop paying, you stop working. The government is HIRED by us, those of us who pay taxes, to do a job, and do it with our money.
HOW do people not get this? Seriously, the only way you cannot get this is if you do not pay taxes, or the government gives you MY money, and you choose to be blind to who is actually paying for your stuff.
Ok, rant over.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
