Posting

I used to love this blog so much. I still am glad I have it, but now I struggle with posting.
My life was much easier back when I started it. Well, maybe easy isn't the word for it, since I had already been through a lot of yucky times in my marriage. But I felt like I was in a good place.
Then I went through some bad times with a church and that rocked my world. Thinking you can trust people who you not only respect, but also love, and then finding out that a little bit of gossip is all it takes to have them turn on you without the benefit of doubt. So I couldn't blog during that time, it was too painful and I couldn't pretend about things being great otherwise.
Then I lost some of my friends, partly I think because after all the fighting they did for me, we couldn't go back to what it used to be, and dashed expectations can really cause a rift. I still don't totally understand what happened, even. Breaks my heart.
And then we moved. And while I am trying to blog more, because life really is pretty good on most levels, it is still hard to write when there is still sadness and unfinished issues that I have no control over.
I don't want to be a whiner and I don't want to pretend things are all perfect, when they are not. Though I do tend to like to look at the bright side.
Texas is beautiful in many ways, and now that we are through with most of the hard stuff, like getting kids in school, I am starting to enjoy it. Making some sort of steady rhythm would be nice, too. Finding a church, finding some friends, or finding a place to GO and DO......... those things would help a lot. I am a social creature, and I am falling quickly into depression. I don't dare call my MN friends because I just sit and cry on the phone. I love and miss them so much!

I am going to keep posting through this, though, because I would love to look back one day and remember how hard it was and how grateful I am to have friends again.