Do you want to change your family?

I love my family and I love how my kids are turning out. But there are things in my vision of our "perfect" family life that are not happening. I envision a clean (not spotless or perfect) house as being something that would make us all more happy. I would even settle for the living areas, forget the bedrooms! Spending more time together playing games and talking instead of doing our own thing and being on computers would be great, too.

I don't know how to go about getting those changes. How do I get the kids to just do their chores every day without nagging, yelling and having them disobey? How do I get them to just pick up after themselves?

Yesterday I talked to a life coach who helps people get to their ideal family life. Her name is Tracy Liebmann and she runs Transforming Family. She helps families see things differently to get to a solution in a way that is mutually respectful and effective. She touches topics like mindful parenting, consensual living, family harmony, compassionate communication, homeschooling and simplifying family life on her website.

I asked Tracy a couple of questions and worked through a problem I have to see how she does things.

You say on your website that you do not give advice, that the answers are inside of us. How do you bring people to realize those things without giving advice? (sometimes I need a two by four across the head to "get it")


I am basically a good listener and I ask good questions, bringing clarity to the situation. It is easier to walk you through a problem to show you how it works than it is to explain it.


Cyber coaching seems like a great option for people who need to think things through before making a decision or coming up with a new question. It also seems like the best way to do things in this busy world. Does it seem less personal to be doing coaching through emails instead of phone calls, and does it affect how the results turn out?

Cyber coaching works well, but I get a better feel for a person and situation through personal contact.

So, if she gets a conversation in on the phone to get a feeling for a person things can go well through email coaching. Tracy is a very personal person, and so easy to talk to. Personally, we have some similar ideals that make it easy for me to work with her. We both have/do unschool, but have tried the formal schooling, and to me that means we are both much more laid back about how things flow in our family. Some people need schedules, but they just don't work for me, and Tracy gets that.

I took a sample issue that we have to see how Tracy could help me find the answer to my problem that she says is in me, rather than through her advice. That doesn't mean that she doesn't give suggestions, but that she drew out what was going on, what personalities we are working with, and other relevant issues and helps find a way to deal with things that leave everyone feeling respected.

We broke down my chore problem to just one child, just for the sake of time, and we picked Devon, because I think she was interested in the dynamics between the child I fight with most. (we are too alike, lol)

Tracy asked me lots of questions about Devon and the chore problems, and in my answers I revealed a lot more than asked by my answers. I think that is why doing it over the phone or in person would be easier.

The results were that I needed to sit down with Devon alone and discuss what I would like to see, and work with him on a solution that would work for him. In this case the answers that are inside of me are that Devon needs a schedule (which I hate) and probably set chores rather than pick what chore you want to do today. So, I will sit down with him and ask him if he would like to do chores right after supper, so that it is a trigger to him to get them done. I would also make sure that he has pretty much the same chores. Devon works better when he knows exactly what to expect and when it is expected.

Just going through this made me see some other things that I need to do, but have been avoiding or ignoring.

I think that this family coaching thing is a fantastic idea and well worth the expense to be able to find a solution that is going to bring harmony and peace to your home.

Thank you to Family Review Network and Tracy Liebmann for allowing me this opportunity!