What happened to the time?

 It seems like I blinked and it's been years since I posted!
So much has changed. We are down to 2 Qtpies in the house. We have SEVEN Qtpie grandkids! Hope got married. Cody joined the Army and it's out already. I had a brain tumor and a serious of crazy health issues, of which are all fine now. We are dealing with a child with a mental illness and all the ramifications that go with that. I have a job I love. And that's just the highlights.

Posting

I used to love this blog so much. I still am glad I have it, but now I struggle with posting.
My life was much easier back when I started it. Well, maybe easy isn't the word for it, since I had already been through a lot of yucky times in my marriage. But I felt like I was in a good place.
Then I went through some bad times with a church and that rocked my world. Thinking you can trust people who you not only respect, but also love, and then finding out that a little bit of gossip is all it takes to have them turn on you without the benefit of doubt. So I couldn't blog during that time, it was too painful and I couldn't pretend about things being great otherwise.
Then I lost some of my friends, partly I think because after all the fighting they did for me, we couldn't go back to what it used to be, and dashed expectations can really cause a rift. I still don't totally understand what happened, even. Breaks my heart.
And then we moved. And while I am trying to blog more, because life really is pretty good on most levels, it is still hard to write when there is still sadness and unfinished issues that I have no control over.
I don't want to be a whiner and I don't want to pretend things are all perfect, when they are not. Though I do tend to like to look at the bright side.
Texas is beautiful in many ways, and now that we are through with most of the hard stuff, like getting kids in school, I am starting to enjoy it. Making some sort of steady rhythm would be nice, too. Finding a church, finding some friends, or finding a place to GO and DO......... those things would help a lot. I am a social creature, and I am falling quickly into depression. I don't dare call my MN friends because I just sit and cry on the phone. I love and miss them so much!

I am going to keep posting through this, though, because I would love to look back one day and remember how hard it was and how grateful I am to have friends again.

Searching.............

I have moved so many times in my life, I don't even know how many. It doesn't scare me, really. I know that you can find a life anywhere you end up. And I know it takes some time to get into a groove and find your place.
But this time, this move, it stinks. I'm probably just over reacting, since it has only been about 6 weeks, but I am frustrated.
The move doesn't stink, and Texas doesn't stink. Finding a church and friends stinks.

We are in the Bible Belt, with churches almost as frequent as mexican food places. Which is a HUGE yum, by the way. Baptist churches alone are in plentiful supply in just a 10 mile radius. It would take us a year to try out all the churches close to us.

So why is it so hard to find one that all 6 of us like well enough to keep going? One I liked the worship, totally felt God's presence, but the preaching was kind of dull and the people are very cliquish, 3 stops there and I know not one person's name. Next one, loved the classes and people so, so much, and the little kids LOVED the classes, but the worship and preaching were not so great, and the teens violently oppose going there. Next one was ok for most of us, not exciting, but we liked the people, and the kids were all content except the little 2 did not like going to big church. In retrospect I didn't feel like the people were that mature in nature, though they were not spiritually immature, and that is saying something from me, I am not terribly mature, lol. The fact that they played TEN songs in worship drove us all nuts. Then we try another one that we all were OK with, but it wasn't memorable. That wouldn't be so bad, but we were told that they believe God changes His mind, and I am not sure I want to go down that road.

We could go back to the one that seems so impenetrable, but they are just healing from a major upheaval, and we are barely healed from our major upheaval with a church. We will probably give them another chance, though, since we didn't try a Sunday morning group yet.

It has been only 6 weeks, so I know I am being a bit premature, but for me, I need a church. I don't know anyone and I am so lonely. Everyone except me gets out of the house and meets people and has a chance to form relationships. I get out and see store clerks. I don't have a chance to meet people except on Sundays. I meet people I think I could be friends with and then no one else in the family want to go back. I am just ready to throw in the towel. I won't, but I am so frustrated. I just want to meet people and have a life outside of this house.

So, I am thinking of volunteering opportunities that would still be flexible enough for me to be home if the kids were sick. And that do not involve watching other people's brats. :) I don't mind other people's kids, I just have no tolerance for the bad behavior of some of them.

Send me some volunteer ideas that are NOT in the schools.

Texas, not so bad!

There are lots of things about moving here that have been frustrating, like getting kids IN school. Getting speech help for Sam. Getting cars registered. Getting a driver's license. Driving anywhere with road construction that won't be done until 2015, when it will be time to start all over again.

But there are lots of wonderful things, too. The weather is beautiful! Yes, it will be hot in the summer, and I will not care for that, but I care LESS for 4 feet of snow. If I can't drive through it without shoveling, then it is way too much for my taste. Lots of fun new experiences here, like seeing a longhorn cattle drive and rodeos, catching lizards.

The hardest thing for me, though, is being away from my family and friends. Especially when something is going on and you know you friend needs you and all you can do is pray. But even being away is not something so horrible that I can't stand it. Probably because I grew up moving back and forth between MN and AZ, missing one parent or the other, and siblings, moving away from friends. I know that life goes on, and it isn't the end.

I did see TX as a temporary move, and it could still be one, but I am not sure I want to move back to Minnesota. Maybe Arizona, where I have some family. Minnesota maybe when we can be snow birds and spend the winter in the south!

Some days..........

I don't get how people think some days. I don't like getting political on my blog, well, I don't like getting political at all, but I just do NOT get a certain way of thinking. I don't care what "side of the fence" you vote on, but I do not get this one huge thing:

How is the government helping you build your business? If you get money and start your own business, work hard, pay your taxes, pay your employees, etc, how did the government "build your business" for you? Seriously?
"Well, you didn't build the ROADS!"
Really? Who built them? Oh, the government did? And how did they DO that? Oh, that's right, with MY tax money. I PAID them to find someone to build the roads. I paid for the materials, too. If I didn't pay them, they would have NO way to build the roads. So since I paid for it, why am I indebted to the government for doing what I paid them to do with my money?

If I paid you $100 to clean my house with my cleaning supplies that I paid for with my money, would I be indebted to you? No, you would be indebted to ME for giving you a job. I stop paying, you stop working. The government is HIRED by us, those of us who pay taxes, to do a job, and do it with our money.

HOW do people not get this? Seriously, the only way you cannot get this is if you do not pay taxes, or the government gives you MY money, and you choose to be blind to who is actually paying for your stuff.

Ok, rant over.

Life changes

It is so funny how fast life changes sometimes. I was comfortable with homeschooling my kids, living in a smallish town with great friends, great church, close enough to family to go see them, but not close enough to want to kill them.
Now I have no babies, all of my kids still at home are in public school, we are in a HUGE metroPLEX (metroPLEX, people!), Can't see my family without major planning and some moolah, and no idea where we are going to find a church. I sell Pure Romance, and LOVE it!

I've never been independent before. Not that I totally am, I just could be if I chose to be. I got married while still in high school, so I have never supported myself, gone to just one year of college back when I had 6 kids, just to prove I could do it. But now, with Pure Romance I feel so good about myself, what I can do, and how I help women. It isn't about sex, though that is great in your marriage, of course. It is about relationships, and knowing yourself and having a true intimacy in your marriage. I help women with their body issues, their sexual health issues, their problems with intimacy that hurts their marriage. It is so fulfilling to have someone call you and thank you for showing them that they COULD get through something and how it saved their marriage! THAT is what this is about.
The bonus is what it has done for me, personally. All the training, the changing, the growth, the empowerment! I KNOW that I could support myself and my kids if something ever happened and I needed to. I KNOW that I can be successful, make a lot of money, IF I wanted to. But I also know that I can have fun, help people, make some money doing it, and still be with my family and maintain the standard we want.

Texas is a huge change, but we are handling it. Frustration at every turn. But great weather, and lots of opportunities for the kids and us. At some point we'll have friends, a church, know our way around, and life will feel even better!

But right now, I love most of my life! If I could change one thing that would make me overjoyed it would be having all the adult kids living here, too, so I could see all of them and the grandbabies. The rest I can deal with.